Shocked

I just back from my RE appointment and I was blind-sided.

Prior to the appointment we were told to have sex the night before so he could see if the sperm are getting to where they need to go. So that is what I was most concerned about the last couple days. First he did a vaginal ultrasound and saw a "spectacular" egg on the left side, and my lining was great. Then he said, "I don't see alot of swimmers"!!! I didn't really think too much of it at first because he didn't seem concerned. Then he gave me an exam to check my CM...there wasn't much. But he took what he could get and put it on a slide and left the room to look at the CM under the microscope and look at the ultrasound photos. He came back a couple minutes later and said he didn't see any sperm, and not an adequate amount of CM. He told us to come back in thursday to do another ultrasound and then on friday to do an IUI!!! I was in total shock that he went straight to IUI. I started crying as he was talking to DH and I. Apparently I had not prepared myself for that news. I was confused because I am only CD 12 and I don't usually O until CD16-19 so I shouldn't have a bunch of CM. He told me that from the size of my egg I am going to ovulate in the next few days. He told me that the some of the sperm should be getting up towards the egg no matter how much CM I have, so a few days probably won't make a difference. But I am going back thursday for another ultrasound to see how things are progressing and if we decided to go ahead with the IUI it will most likely be on friday!! He could tell I was hesitant and very upset so he assured me I don't have to do the IUI but he wants us to think about it. "This is why you came to me, I found the problem and now I have a plan (IUI)." He was blunt, but he has been doing this for 27 years so I am going to trust that he knows what he is talking about. I was also concerened about the cost of the procedure and the medicine. It will only be $411 and probably no meds unless he thinks I need an HCG shot ($30). Somehow that made me feel so much better knowing that we aren't going to break the bank.
I cried and cried even after I left the appointment. I feel silly for being this upset because I know things could be worse, I just need time to digest the information. I think the main reason I am upset is because he pretty much confirmed that we can't have children on our own. Part of me knew that since we have been trying for a year, but it just kicked me in the gut to actually have that fear confirmed!!


That's that!! Now DH and I have a decision to make.......