Pregnancy announcement

No...not mine, a friend's. She knows what we have been going through and was waiting to tell me to see if the IVF worked. Well she told me on the phone today that she is 4 months pregnant. I am going to see her next week so she wanted to tell me before I noticed on my own. This is her 4th...unplanned pregnancy!!!! She has welcomed each pregnancy and is a great mother, but all of her kids were a surprise. She has been begging her husband to get a vasectomy for years, and obviously he hasen't.

I am just stunned that one family can have 4 unplanned pregnancies while I have been trying/planning for two years for just ONE child. I am sad & pissed!!!

2 years

Today, May 26th marks exactly 2 years since we started TTC. AF arrived on this day 2 years ago and represented hope. DH & I were so happy to start our family. We were filled with excitement at all of the possibilities that awaited us. We really believed that it would happen right away...oh to be that naive again!! We were disappointed the first few months and then after only 4 months I started to get worried and thought something could be wrong, but never in a million years did I think we would be in this situation: Two years of TTC, many unsuccessful treatments including IVF and still no baby.....we aren't even pregnant!! We are in the same place we were 2 years ago except we have less hope and money.

There is so much I could write I just don't have the desire. I am tired of TTC but won't give up until we are parents!!

CD 1

I had an ultrasound appointment today but I cancelled it because AF showed this morning. I mean really showed! Not just the brown spotting, actual red...well you know what I mean! It sucks that I had spotting in the middle of my cycle and I didn't ovulate BUT AF showed right on time even after all that.....which is a good thing.

We are going to try a natural FET again. I just want to give my body some time to get back on track. I talked to my nurse and made an ultrasound appointment for Friday June 4th which is CD 12. My RE with be looking for a dominate follicle again and hopefully this time I will ovulate and be able to go ahead with the FET!!

Not much to say

So where did we leave off....Oh yeah I was spotting and my transfer was cancelled. I continued to spot for 5 days, but it was brown and it was not heavy at all. The RE told me to consider that a period, so I made an ultrasound appointment for CD 12 which is next Monday. Well yesterday I started having cramps and they continue today. No spotting yet, but I think its coming.

Emotionally, I have moments that I am OK but mostly I feel like I am just going through the motions and watching life pass me by....not fun! I just want to be a mom and start my family. I am tired of waiting.

This is really frustrating!!

May transfer cancelled

I guess it was never really scheduled but we were hoping to do a May transfer.

I started spotting on Mother's Day night...Happy f**ckin' Mother's Day!! It was very very light but I knew it couldn't be good. Monday I started feeling the cramps and had a little bit more spotting. I had convinced myself before our ultrasound this morning that we wouldn't be doing the May transfer but I am still disappointed.

I told Dr. A that I had started spotting and he said that is not out of the norm after an IVF cycle. He did the ultrasound and saw that none of my follicles had grown so this would be considered an anovulatory cycle, which means there is no dominate follicle and I won't be ovulating on my own. This has never happened to me before..I always ovulate, but again IVF really screws with the body's cycles. So May FET is cancelled and now we are shooting for June.

He said to consider today CD 1 and I should come back on CD 12 for another ultrasound to see if that cycle will produce a dominate follicle. I am going to try another natural cycle because I want to give my body a chance to get back on track.

I just think it's crazy to have a period on CD 16...even thought I really haven't even started yet. I am not thrilled with the plan so I am going to wait and see what my body does. If AF actually shows then I will feel more comfortable, otherwise I just feel like we are flying my the seat of our pants. If I start in the next couple days the silver lining is that I didn't have to wait till my normal CD 30...which means I get to start my next cycle 2 weeks earlier without having to wait.

I started crying when we got in the car because I am so tired of the disappointments and this entire process. It is really starting to wear me down!!

So now I am just WAITING again......

Dreaded day

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness in my heart. I have dreaded this day for the last 2 years. Not only do I not have my own child yet, my mom past away 6 years ago, and I don't have any living grandma's. I am 0 for 3!!!
I can't wait till this day is over.

Waiting

Thankfully before I went to my ultrasound this morning I talked to my friend and cycle buddy Theresa who had just left her ultrasound appointment. She told me she didn't get any concrete answers, so I had no expectations going in and knew I would probably not get a definite answer on whether or not we are going to be able to do a transfer in May.

I had a few follies around 11mm and we shooting for 18mm which would be considered dominate. He said things look like they are progressing, but it's still too early (CD 12) to tell if I will be able to do an FET in May. I will do an OPK (blast from the past) on Monday and another ultrasound on Tuesday. I should have an answer by then because I will be on CD 16.

It's crazy that I if we end up doing the FET in May I will only have 6-7 days notice...unlike our IVF cycle where we had 2 months notice!!!

Stork

Not much going on lately on the TTC front. I am definitely enjoying not taking any medications. DH and I are enjoying each other and not revolving our life around TTC...even if its only for a few weeks. DH & I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a stork in one of the exhibits.

Quote of the day from DH (talking to the stork):
"Come here you bitch, we have to talk" LOL!!

My ultrasound to see if I have a dominate follicle is on friday. Hopefully we will be able to move forward with the FET. I'll keep you updated!!