IUI # 3 complete!!

The RE said I had a good egg, great CM, and DH's sperm was excellent...hopefully that results in a baby! We are leaving for Cozumel @ 5:50am tomorrow morning. We can't wait to relax on the beach while my body makes a baby!!! I'll be back next Saturday with a recap of my birthday trip.

Ultrasound

I had an ultrasound at the RE's office today. I only had one big follie...along w/ other small ones. I guess 100mg Clomid doesn't produce more follies for me...it did however produce a small cyst on my left side...awesome!! He said it wasn't big enough to worry about.
Even though I am disappointed about only having one follie...I am happy that at least I have one follie and we are going to be able to get the IUI. So the IUI will be on friday morning, and DH will give me the HCG trigger this afternoon.
Being the planner that I am, I asked about our next steps if this IUI doesn't work. He said there are many options and that he would like to talk to both DH and I at the same time so we can all be on the same page. He was pretty vague, but when he left the nurse gave me the lowdown. She said since we are young and I have no obvious issues that we have many options. He will probably suggest doing 2-3 more IUI's w/ injectables...then onto IVF. So injectable IUI cycles will cost us $1000 & IVF would be $12,ooo- 15,000!!! We get a 50% discount right now on all services, but they don't do that for IVF...so we would have to pay the full amount! I am glad that I know our options, but hopefully we won't have to worry about going that far with treatment.
I will update on friday after the IUI!!!

3 more days till we leave for COZUMEL!!!! I am SO excited!!

Not telling

Thank you for all of your input...it really helped. It made me think about things I hadn't thought of. DH and I had a conversation and I told him that I was feeling guilty b/c we haven't told everyone about our IF. He was willing to do whatever I wanted but he didn't feel the same way. I shared all of your comments with him and we talked about the pro and cons of each decision. We were leaning towards not telling our friends and family that didn't already know mainly b/c we afraid of unwanted and hurtful opinions.

Thursday something ironic happened at dinner w/ my friend. This person knows all about our IF. We were discussing my upcoming IUI.

Friend : " You just need to relax and it will happen"

Me: "That is the worst thing to say to a person dealing w/ infertility and I would appreciate if you didn't say that."

Friend: "Well I'm just saying....I know it works"!

Me: "How can you say that...I'm pretty sure you have no idea"

Friend: "My sister went through IF and now she is a mom."

Me: "Let's drop it!!"

I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or scratch their eyes out!

As many of you said, it is hard for someone who hasn't been through IF to fully understand the toll it takes on your life. I know people mean well, but as I witnessed Thursday night I don't deal well with the "Just relax" comments. I don't have thick enough skin to brush off the hurtful comments and advice. That dinner conversation was a blessing in disguise and saved me a lot of pain later on. I know my friend was trying to make me feel better but that sealed the deal for DH and I to NOT tell anyone else. I have already confided in certain friends and family who have given me support throughout this struggle, and that's good enough for me. To be honest I find it more comforting to talk to you guys about this because you understand.....that is a saving grace for me!!

On the TTC front I have taken 100 mg of Clomid with no side effects....hopefully it produced more than one follie. I have an ultrasound Wednesday and depending on those results we will hopefully get the IUI on Friday. I also ordered Pre-Seed. I have always been a sceptic of this stuff, but since our RE found no sperm in my CM I thought we would try it. Anything is worth a try at this point. What is your experience with Pre-Seed??

Ashamed??

As you know DH and I have been struggling with infertility for 15 months. In that time we have been very private about our journey (except with my blogging buddies). We have told a few friends and only 2 or 3 family members. We are both close with our families so it feels weird to keep this from them.

Society has made us feel like infertility is something to be ashamed of. We are taught our entire life to prevent pregnancy until you are married...it is openly discussed in society. Infertility on the other hand is hush-hush. I wish that I could help bring awareness to this devastating journey. I think it would be very therapeutic to talk to women IRL in a group setting and share our struggles. Celine Dion is recently pregnant via IVF and she isn't shy about it. I applaud her for being honest and letting the world know that not everyone gets pregnant when they want to.

So having said that, I feel like a hypocrite not sharing my struggle with my family/friends. I want to be an example, and show that infertility is nothing to be ashamed of. I have mentioned to DH that I want to tell people and he is against it..."It's our business". That discussion was 6 months ago, so I am going to bring it up again and see if he is ready.

The main reason we haven't told them is we want them to be surprised when we do finally get pregnant. I keep holding off telling them b/c every month I think we could get pregnant this time. We also don't want them to act or treat us differently b/c of what we are going through.
How did your family/friends react when you told them? Did it make you feel better to get it off your chest?

Show us your Life - Favorite Vacations Spots

This week at Kelly's Korner the theme is "favorite vacation spots". It is hard to choose, b/c I have been to so many great places! First I thought it would be fun to write out all the places I have been in the last 10-15 years and how many times I have visited. Then I will pick a few of my favorites....

Arkansas - Bull Shoals Lake -2

California - San Francisco, Hollywood -2

Colorado - Denver, Fort Collins, Estes Park -1

District of Columbia - Washington DC - 1

Dominican Republic - Punta Cana - 1

Georgia - Atlanta -1

Florida - Destin, Panama City, Ft. Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, Orlando - 6

Illinois - Chicago - 2

Jamacia - Montego Bay - 1

Kentucky - Louisville - 2

Louisiana - New Orleans - 1

Mexico - Cancun, Puerto Vallarta, Playa del Carmen, Cozumel - 4

Missouri - this is where I live, so I have been all over the state

Mississippi - Tunica - 1

Nevada - Las Vegas - 4

New Jersey - Atlantic City - 1

New York - New York City - 2

North Carolina - Outer Banks - 2

Oklahoma - Oklahoma City - 1

Tennessee - Memphis, Nashville - 3

Texas - Austin, Houston, Corpus Christi - 12

Utah - Park City - 1

Wow...as you can see I love to travel!!! Now my favorites spots....

New York City

I have always wanted to see the Rockefeller tree lighting in December. The Christmas season is my favorite time of year and what better place to be than NYC. DH and I went last year and stayed in Times Square. It was an unforgettable trip!

Times Square (It was freezing outside)

In front of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree!


Radio City

We also saw 4 plays on Broadway. Spring Awakening, All my Sons, Boeing-Boeing, & Wicked. We only had tickets to Spring Awakening (a gift from my sister) before we got to NYC. Many of the shows have lotteries the night of the shows where you get there 2 hours early put your name in a hat and then they give 13 sets of tickets to that nights performance for a discounted price. Well.....I was the last name called and I was screaming and jumping up and down. I won 2 tickets at $25 a piece and they were FRONT ROW CENTER!!! These tickets are usually $350 a piece. It was the most amazing show I have ever seen!!

Right after I won the tickets!!

Reading the Playbill in the front row waiting for the show to start.

We also saw All My Sons w/ 4 famous actors including Katie Holmes. I think it is so cool to see to see great actors perform on stage. After this show I literally ran into Katie Holmes' bodyguard and he was holding her daughter Suri. It was so cool!!

New Orleans

My Dad, me, and my sister went to celebrate my mom's life on the one year anniversary of her death. We were there to celebrate one of her favorite things....Mardi Gras. It was a great trip....very emotional but comforting.

French Quarter

Punta Cana

Last but not least, my Honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. It was so surreal to be on vacation with my HUSBAND. We were so excited to be married!!

Most beautiful beach I have ever seen

I have so many more places that I love, but I figured you have had enough LOL!! Thanks for reading this ENTIRE post. Wanna show your favorite spots???

CD 1

AF is here. I have mixed feelings. Of course I wish that I was pregnant but I am glad that AF arrived today b/c now I think we will be able to do an IUI before we leave for Cozumel. I have a call into the RE's office to get the plan for this cycle.

For some reason I am not too upset...no tears. I guess I feel like we still have a few more shots w/ IUI's so this isn't the end for us. I also have a wonderful trip to look forward to...that always helps!!

I did have a moment of weakness when I saw my friend/neighbor who just had a baby, walking into her house today with her husband holding their newborn. I am truly happy for them but that was a punch to the gut. I can't wait until it is our turn.

I am so excited for our trip that nothing can bring me down!!


*UPDATE*
I just heard back from the RE. He is uping my Clomid dose to 100mg hoping that it will produces more follies, I am excited about that. I will start taking Clomid on Sunday CD 3-7.

Waiting

I have been waiting to post but my buddy Jess told me "UMMM...you need to post woman! Did AF come or is my friend pregnant?"
I am sorry to keep you all in suspense, it was not because I have good news. I am at CD 32, one day longer than the last 4 cycles, but I have had cycles that were 35 days. I PIAC this morning resulting in a BFN. I have mild cramps so I was not surprised.
Not only do I think I am not pregnant, but if I don't start today I won't be able to have an IUI next cycle b/c we will be in Cozumel for my birthday. I will be aggravated about that, but not until it happens. So I am still in limbo waiting for AF. I never thought I would want AF to show, but I know it's coming so it just needs to happens so I can move forward. Ugh!!!

Hospital visits

The visits to the hospital to see each of our friends newborns was fine. They were so sweet and innocent....how could I be in a bad mood while I was holding them. The only time the sadness leaked in was when DH was gazing and smiling at the babies while holding them. I wish that was our baby, but I didn't let myself get too upset so it went fine overall.

In TTC news, I am CD 30 and had a bit of cramping this morning so I fully expect AF to show up tomorrow...right on schedule. It sucks but I am not totally upset yet b/c I haven't started yet. If I do I hope she comes tomorrow b/c of our upcoming trip. It worked out that we will be gone on my 30th b-day (Sept. 2nd) and we should have time to do another IUI right before we leave.
I guess I will just wait, we shall see....

Toss up

This week could be the best week of our lives or really rough. I am going to either start my period this week or get a BFP. The problem w/ this is that we also have 2 friends having babies this week. One Tuesday & one Thursday, and if AF shows it will probably be Wednesday or Thursday!! Smack dab in the middle of two births!!!

I have not been obsessing this cycle. I have been in a good place emotionally, but now I am starting to freak out a little. It is bad enough to see AF month after month BUT this time I will also have to go see 2 newborn babies!! I don't know if my heart can handle it. Both of our friends know about our struggle to conceive and that we will find out this week if the IUI worked. They both said that I don't have to come to the hospital if AF comes, which is really sweet b/c they understand how hard it will be. I still have every intention of going to see their beautiful babies, but we will see what happens. Hopefully I will have good news when I visit them and will be laying in that hospital w/ my new baby in 9 months.


*Update*

My friend who was supposed to have a C-section on Thursday just texted me that she is having the baby TODAY!! This is actually good b/c if AF shows it will be after I have to go see both babies. That way I still have a little hope when I go see them, instead of possibly being totally devestated.

Coming out!!!

I have always been a private person so blogging was definitely a step out of my comfort zone. I am so glad I did b/c I have found such a wonderful support system. I am going a step further and "Coming Out"!! I love seeing pictures on people's blogs I am following b/c it helps to have a face with a name. I want to start showing you who I am and would love for you guys to join me.

I am participating in"Show us your life" @ Kelly's Korner . This particular theme is:
Show Us Your Wedding Reception & Honeymoon.

Reception

We got married outside in a park under the trees at sunset almost 2 years ago. It was amazing!! Our reception was only a few steps away from the ceremony in a big white tent.

Ceremony

Tent

The tables had light blue tablecloths with chocolate brown runners. Each table had 4 vases of white hydrangeas and candles.

Cake

My Maid Of Honor (My sister)

Walking into the reception & being introduced as Mr. & Mrs.!!!

I was a dancing fool!! I didn't want to be one of those brides that didn't enjoy their reception. So I told everyone if they wanted to talk to me they need to get out on the dance floor. I had so many people tell us that they had never seen a bride dance so much!! LOL!

The tent @ night w/ a full moon....I love this picture!!!

Honeymoon
We went to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. We travel ALOT (3-4 times a year), and this was by far the nicest beach we have been to. We had an amazing time!!

Our hotel

At one of the many restaurants on site

We had so much fun Para sailing

Well, that's me. Now you have a face to put with my blog. Anyone else want to come out from behind their computer???
Join in the fun!!!

Lovely Blog Award

I received this award from 2 lovely ladies, Low Fat Lady and Melissa. Thank you!!

The rules of the “One Lovely Blog Award” are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I am only nominating 9 b/c some of you have already gotten the award, not all of these are "newly" discovered but I still though they deserved the award!!

1. babyparamore.blogspot.com
2. amg06.blogspot.com
3. ttcourbaby.blogspot.com
4. shannonlea-baby.blogspot.com
5. nannerpancakes.blogspot.com
6. iamstacey.wordpress.com
7. ltf525.blogspot.com
8. onespiritualsoul.blogspot.com
9. thejourney2babyp.blogspot.com

In TTC news I think I am about 7 DPO...I'm not really keeping track. I think I'm in the 1WW. I had a dream about "my" newborn last night. I was so protective over him. I have never had a dream where I could actually "see" my child. Lately I have had a difficult time imagining being a mom because we have been TTC for so long. As silly as this sounds, that dream was really comforting.

To go or not to go....

DH & I had been planning on going somewhere really awesome like Barbados for my 30th birthday (don't tell anyone I am going to be that old..LOL!). I decided I didn't want to spend that much money ($3500) since we are having to pay for fertility treatments and go to an out of town wedding in November. That was just too much to spend in such a short period of time so I had decided to nix the trip all together. DH thought we really needed this vacation and knew how much it meant to me so he lovingly convinced me to go on a trip but spend less money than we were originally planning on spending. So.........................

We are going to Cozumel!!

We just booked a 8 day/7 night all-inclusive trip!!! It is an island off of Mexico with the 2nd best snorkeling in the world!! I found the best deal through Orbitz.com and then used a coupon out of our entertainment book that saved us $200!! We are so pumped and can't wait to relax on the beach. We also going to do a few excursions. DH will be planning those b/c he wants to surprise me with something really special for us to do on my birthday. Not only will we be there for my birthday, but if I am not pregnant this cycle we will be able to have an IUI the week before we leave, so we don't have to miss a cycle. Ahhhh....the life of an infertile!

I am so excited about our vacation I can't even stand it. We are leaving in less than a month!!