Still posting

I am still going to post on this blog even though we are not going through treatment anymore.  I will just talk about dealing with the trials and tribulations of living in a world full of fertiles!!  I still need an outlet.    

Today was a bad day.  My cousin gave birth today...thankfully in a different state.  She hasn't even been married a year which obviously means this baby was conceived on her honeymoon.  How lucky!!  That's only 1% of the reason this day sucks.  The main reason is because another one of my cousins (who I am close with) told me today that she is pregnant.  Not only does it suck that another girl is pregnant that's not me but the back story is what is so hurtful.

We have been very private about our struggle to conceive, only a handful of our friends and family know.  Last Thanksgiving my cousin told me she was having trouble conceiving.  They had been trying for a while (I think 5 months) and she was having a lot of pain and crazy cycles.  I told her I understood because DH and I have been TTC for 2 1/2 years.  She didn't say anything about what I had just told her and continued to talk about herself, so I assumed she didn't hear me.  Later that night she made a comment about how "us girls have trouble getting pregnant in this family." OK..so she did hear me!!  Nothing else was said for the rest of the weekend about TTC.  

She called me on New Year's Eve and told me how she had surgery and they found endometriosis and now hopefully she will get pregnant.  Again nothing was asked about how I was doing as it relates to TTC.  

THEN...today she calls to tell me she is 11 weeks pregnant.  I felt a kick in the gut but put on my big girl panties and told her congrats and asked how she was feeling.  She went on tell me how she will be "that" pregnant woman who sends e-mails of her ultrasounds....Oh yay!!!  AGAIN nothing was said about the fact that I am still struggling.  As soon as I got off the phone with her I called DH and cried. 

I am so upset that I confided in her and she had no regard for my feelings.  I thought she would understand how hard pregnancy announcements are since she struggled.  Instead she just ignores the fact that I still don't have a child after 3 years of trying.  My feelings are hurt and my heart is heavy.

 What do I do when she sends e-mails of her baby bump and ultrasound pictures?  Should I say something to her or just let it go?  You'd think I'd know how to handle this after 3 years but I have never had someone announce their pregnancy with such insensitivity KNOWING what I am dealing with......