Varicocele

A couple years ago DH went to a urologist for a semen analysis and check up and found that he has a varicocele.

A varicocele is an enlargement of the veins in the scrotum and are thought to raise the temperature of the testicles or cause blood to back up in the veins supplying the testicles.  Varicoceles seem to damage or kill the sperm which is an obvious problem when TTC.

DH's counts were fine back then he was just borderline on morphology.  It takes up to 1 year to see an improvement of the sperm after the surgery so we didn't think it was necessary back then, especially since we were going to do IVF.

During a routine self exam a few weeks ago, DH found a small lump on his testicle.  He immediately went to the urologist who determined it was a small cyst.  He had an ultrasound and collectively the Dr.'s determined that it was nothing to be worried about (THANK GOD)!!!  While he was talking with the urologist she asked if he had gotten pregnant yet.  He told her everything we have done and she was shocked.  He also told her that he was having pain once in a while "down there".  She said varicoles can cause that and she brought up repairing them by having the surgery.  DH wanted to have it done to fix the pain and said maybe it will help us get pregnant.  I am not banking on it nor do I want him to get his hopes up.

The surgery went well yesterday.  He is in pain but that is to be expected.  I woke up this morning in a bad mood.  I am sad that he is in pain and that we have to go through more of this bullshit because its a constant reminder that we don't have children.  To be honest we are done TTC, and we have been grieving the last two weeks.  I did pretty well last week, but this surgery has brought me back down.  I just want to move forward.  No more surgeries, No more treatments, No more trying!!!!