Monday, March 28, 2011

Still posting

I am still going to post on this blog even though we are not going through treatment anymore.  I will just talk about dealing with the trials and tribulations of living in a world full of fertiles!!  I still need an outlet.    

Today was a bad day.  My cousin gave birth today...thankfully in a different state.  She hasn't even been married a year which obviously means this baby was conceived on her honeymoon.  How lucky!!  That's only 1% of the reason this day sucks.  The main reason is because another one of my cousins (who I am close with) told me today that she is pregnant.  Not only does it suck that another girl is pregnant that's not me but the back story is what is so hurtful.

We have been very private about our struggle to conceive, only a handful of our friends and family know.  Last Thanksgiving my cousin told me she was having trouble conceiving.  They had been trying for a while (I think 5 months) and she was having a lot of pain and crazy cycles.  I told her I understood because DH and I have been TTC for 2 1/2 years.  She didn't say anything about what I had just told her and continued to talk about herself, so I assumed she didn't hear me.  Later that night she made a comment about how "us girls have trouble getting pregnant in this family." OK..so she did hear me!!  Nothing else was said for the rest of the weekend about TTC.  

She called me on New Year's Eve and told me how she had surgery and they found endometriosis and now hopefully she will get pregnant.  Again nothing was asked about how I was doing as it relates to TTC.  

THEN...today she calls to tell me she is 11 weeks pregnant.  I felt a kick in the gut but put on my big girl panties and told her congrats and asked how she was feeling.  She went on tell me how she will be "that" pregnant woman who sends e-mails of her ultrasounds....Oh yay!!!  AGAIN nothing was said about the fact that I am still struggling.  As soon as I got off the phone with her I called DH and cried. 

I am so upset that I confided in her and she had no regard for my feelings.  I thought she would understand how hard pregnancy announcements are since she struggled.  Instead she just ignores the fact that I still don't have a child after 3 years of trying.  My feelings are hurt and my heart is heavy.

 What do I do when she sends e-mails of her baby bump and ultrasound pictures?  Should I say something to her or just let it go?  You'd think I'd know how to handle this after 3 years but I have never had someone announce their pregnancy with such insensitivity KNOWING what I am dealing with......

12 comments:

Jos said...

Ugh, I hate it when people (ESPECIALLY those that should know better) are so insensitive. What a crappy day honey. :( At least you have a great, supportive DH to cry to!

Kelly said...

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. She never really got it in the first place. Sounds like she never considered the two of you in the same place. How horrible.

Honestly (this is just the type of person that I am), I would tell her, point blank. Whether you do it now or wait for one of those emails. You could easily say that although you are happy for her, the fact that you've been dealing with IF for how long now makes pictures like this extremely difficult and that you tried to explain this to her before but she just didn't get it.

I had something similar happen to me and my SIL. We stil barely speak and I hate it but I know I didn't do anything wrong and that she's an idiot. :)

Anonymous said...

Ugh, tough day. I am sorry she isn't considering your feelings. I would just ignore her multiple emails with scans and stuff and just let it go. That's what I did with my cousin.

Littlest True Blue said...

i'm so sorry for a crappy day :(
your cousin is sooo insensitive and that must be so hard! I would love to follow you on the other blog that is private if you want to add me!
Hope the day gets better from here!

Anonymous said...

Honey, she tried for five months--she has NO idea what it's really like. Either you have to be really honest with her and explain what you're actually going through or live with the ultrasound pics. If it were me, I would tell her.

Britney Snyder said...

i am sorry for your crappy day! Though i am not tying to get preg. right now because of some other issues in my life..i feel everyone around me is sportin the baby bump! :( booooo. my advice is to be honest with your cousin, but sad to hear she didnt consider your feelings!
Hang in there.& Smile! :)

Nink said...

I hate when people are so absorbed in their own lives that when you open up, it's not "heard." I would not like receiving those ultrasound e-mails. You should just "kindly" remind her of your struggle and how even though you're happy for them, you are still hurting and so you'd prefer not having their pregnancy shoved in your face. And, since when is 5 months considered a long time? I mean, seriously!!! By the way, I'm so sorry about what happened. :(

Marianne said...

She sounds like a very self-centered and insensitive person...sorry!

It is so hard living in a world of fertiles. My cousin had a baby today too, small world.

Anonymous said...

Argh, I'm so sorry. I'd just let the emails go. It could cause a rift in the family and that would just highlight something you want to keep private.
But it is terribly insensitive of her to send them to you - and to never even ask you how you were doing.

Anonymous said...

Wow ....that is just an awful day in infertile-land. I don't know you, but feel like I do as we are both struggling w/ years of infertility. I have friends who already have a few kids and who have been advised (medically) not to have more and they tell me they know how I feel w/ the grief aspect!! (WHAT???!!!!! NO YOU DON"T!!!--I want to say .....)

You did your part, you congratulated her and now you absolutely do not have to go along w. her updates ... she will have her own struggles of another kind to deal with some day and maybe she will realize how awful she is being.

Hoping/praying for a happy ending (or beginning?) really soon for you and all of us in IF-land!!! :)

~Jen in MN

babydreamer said...

Hi its the first time om wtiring on your blog. Sooo u will hit he DELETE button immediately when those e-mails come through. beacuse they are toxic. VERY toxic. I have been struggling for a while so I know how you feel.
And if you have to you say that you are going through a lot and you cannot deal with her right now. I have done it once before with someone close to me and it worked. Ecept every now again they tend to say stupid insensitive thing because they all become so absorbed in their own worlds!

Lindsay said...

((hugs)) I'm so sorry!