Emotions galore

Throughout this cycle I have been laid back and calm, but today I am flooded with emotions.  I have that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach about the possible outcome of this FET.  I am anxious about the thawing process.  We will be thawing 3, but as you know not every embryo survives the thaw.  We are hoping that all 3 thaw correctly and we transfer them. If only 2 make it then we will transfer 2.  If only 1 makes it then we will thaw the remaining 2...which means we have to thaw all 5 remaining embryos at one time.  Obviously we don't want to have to do that, because we want to have the reassurance that we still have 2 embryos left in case this FET doesn't work or even if it does we would like to have more children later on.  We won't know how many they had to thaw until we get to the office for the transfer tomorrow.  I wish they could tell us before we get there so I have time to digest the outcome..especially if it's not good.

I am hopeful this FET is going to work.  I am hesitant to even say that in fear that I will be even more devastated if it doesn't work.  I used to guard my heart by assuming that whatever treatment we were doing wouldn't work...that way I would be less upset if it was unsuccessful.  That doesn't really make much sense to me now.  Why are we going through all of this if we are just going to assume its not going to bring a child to our family.  I am going to embrace hope (for now anyway)!!  We all know how our feelings change as we get further along in the 2ww.    

I am excited about the transfer tomorrow!!